Mom knew someone who knew someone in the biz who set it up. If all went well, this famous agent would take me on. It happened like this, I swear to God, I’m not making this up. I get to his office and the agent, who turns out to be some old guy, looks me over pretty good. He says I’m a natural. Next he pulls me close and starts licking my face. Relax, he says between licks, I won’t bite. But he does. Then he tells me to bark. Yip yip yip. Then he barks. Ruff ruff ruff. After that things get really weird. When I told Mom she said no one would believe me. Even though I had the collar and leash to prove it. So I kept quiet like she said. But things didn’t work out. Not even one audition. Now I do adult films. Mom doesn’t know. But my agent does. Sometimes he stops by the set. He’s my biggest fan. I can tell by how loud he barks when I crack the whip.

Bio: Roberta Beary