As you search for answers,
remember there are only choices.
You are least attracted to
□ Clichés in the boudoir
□ Truth not experienced
□ Falling alone
You usually prefer
□ Old things
□ Chopin
□ Children in fairy tales
It makes you happy to know that
□ Whales are sometimes born with legs
□ Men can lactate
□ There are two million flowers in a jar of honey
You have difficulty with
□ Blood on faces
□ Finding meaning for others
□ The notion that sponges are inferior
You would like to be
□ Forgiven
□ Dreamed about
□ Taken to Andromeda
You want people to see you as
□ Committed to innocence
□ Indemnifying the overlooked
□ Healed by laughter
You are most inclined to
□ Trust smaller people
□ Lose sleep over words
□ Run into rain
You like the idea that
□ The opposite is also true
□ God is an imaginary friend
□ Consciousness exceeds the speed of light
In tense situations you
□ Move closer to water
□ Do most of the listening
□ Forget who you are
Your major regrets are
□ Not thinking for yourself earlier
□ Not seeing the play “I Never Sang For My Father”
□ Singing only once for your father
You have trouble letting go of
□ Your first rejection
□ A cat whose life you took
□ Tomorrow
The results of your personality test indicate that Aristotle was right: there are
only nine stories. Your number has not yet been assigned. Your choices are just
predictions of your available self. They do not reflect purpose nor do they preclude
chaos. There is a 66% degree of certainty that you are exactly like everyone else.
Of course, it is clear that you lied repeatedly, but not to worry. We are all actors
who look different in each role. Everything is somewhat true. Everything. You
don’t want to see her again. You replay every bout of impotence. You will
invent new ways to miss her. You are only now finding your words. Your father would
have been hurt to hear them all. You killed the cat for science before you understood
the animals are our children. You will begin allowing yourself to forget its sad face
in the bell jar the moment you let go of tomorrow.
—First published in North American Review, (University of Northern Iowa,
Spring 2012); republished here by author’s permission
Bio:
Jack Cooper
