Sister of Mercy

To teach us all the love of God,
The pretty Sister smacked us, hard.
She gave us merry hell for free.
Today it costs a hefty fee.

Invalides

Consider the glory of Napoleon's bones!
What honor he is shown.
A marble canyon encircles his head:
Almost worth it, being dead.

A Mystery

If I sit closer to the loo
Than to the bar, I think
That’s ’cause I piss more than I drink.
How that can be so, I do not know,
I only know it’s true.

Song: European Standards

Bananas, cucumbers, cows, all
Under Community law now fall.
An inch too long is much too much.
An inch too short is not enough.
Just so is the rule you may surmise,
Proving what matters, in truth, is size.

— All four poems are from Verses for Drunks, Lechers and Other Miscreants and are reprinted here by author’s permission. They originally appeared in a very limited hardback edition of three copies in Denmark (2010); they also appeared in The Booktrader’s Christmas Album, Copenhagen (2009) in a limited print run of about 500 copies, distributed in Denmark.

Bio: Thomas E. Kennedy